The complexity of my heart

        I still remember the day I realized my friend Ahmet had secret feelings for me. He thought he was subtle, but I caught him gazing at me lovingly. I played dumb, pretending not to notice, but deep down, I had a crush on him too. 

As I sat in a chair, engrossed in paperwork, he stood in front of me, his eyes locked on mine with adoration. His gaze was filled with heart, and in that moment, my own heart skipped a beat. I sensed his gaze on me, but I didn't dare look up. 

He fell deeply in love with my eyes, and I could sense the admiration in his gaze. Unbeknownst to him, I was aware of his admiring eyes, and he continued to look at me with such tender affection, completely unaware that I knew his secret.

Our situation was complicated. His best friend Hamad proposed to me in the first month of my university. And before proposing to me, he told literally the whole batch about his obsession with me. I asked him to wait until I completed my degree. Ahmet didn't want to betray his friend's trust, so he kept his feelings hidden.

        One day, I had a dream that changed everything. My father asked me who I had feelings for, and I smiled at Ahmet's name. The next day, I shared the dream with him while we were texting. He realized I felt the same way, manipulated me into telling the whole scenario to Hamad, and I did. Hamad was so heartbroken that he didn't want to continue at the university and decided to leave. He did so after some time. 

Before I knew it, everyone found out about the whole story, and it became the talk of the town. My girl friends started teasing us, relating our story to the Indian movie "Student of the Year." Ahmet would blush and smile, daydreaming about being with me and being my husband.

I tried to take a step back, because I got scared that it had become the talk of the town - saying I didn't love anyone and that if I did, it would be after marriage. But he was convinced we'd be the perfect couple. 

He had an ex girlfriend before, so I kept rejecting him. I even told him about this theory I believed in - the first love theory, which suggests that whoever comes into your life, you can't forget your first love. You can't unlove a person you loved at some point in your life. 

He wasn't ready to agree that it could be real. "It's real, and it happens," I said. "There's a couple in my life whom I witnessed this theory come true", I continued. He tried to ask about the couple multiple times, but I wasn't ready to tell. So, he stopped when he saw I got irritated whenever he insisted on something I wasn't ready to share.

I would tease him about his height, saying, "Look at our height difference!", as he was over 6ft tall. I couldn't find anything imperfect in him - he was tall, handsome, fair-complexioned, had "hero hair," and a perfect beard, could easily lift heavy things and ran like an athlete in the field. He looked like Flynn Rider from the movie "Tangled."

        He shared a reel with me on Instagram—a fan edit of a princess from the animated movie, "The Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs," where she looked so attractive that everyone else seemed captivated by her beauty. 

"Looking at her reminded me of you," he said. "Have you watched this movie?" I asked. "No, it just popped up on my feed, and it reminded me of you. So I shared it with you".

Sometimes he used to call me by two nicknames that he gave me: Sleeping Beauty, because I sleep a lot, and Repaunzel. I asked him several times why he called me Repaunzel, and every time he said, "Because of your short hair." 

I knew he was lying. I stopped asking him after sometime, but he kept calling me Repaunzel till the end of time. And I still don't know why. Since I wasn't romantically involved with him, maybe that's why he never told me.

        He always romanticized about me being in the kitchen, cooking something for him. I used to hate it, so I always got angry, and then he smiled and enjoyed seeing me angry or irritated. 

Even the next day, he came and sat in front of me as I was sitting on the terrace with the girls. I said, "Can't you stay like that? Like you behave here, being a gentleman. I don't know what happens to you whenever we chat on the phone." 

He started smiling, knowing well what I was trying to say. I continued, "I'm telling you, I'm going to block you." He started singing the line, "Main phir bhi tumko chahunga." The girls started hooting and giggling. I looked at him; he smiled proudly. 

"Well, only in your dreams," I said. "We'll see that," he said with a smirk. "Yeah, we'll see you singing 'Channa Mereya' at my wedding," I taunted. The girls started singing the song and giggling. 

"If my bride had a wish, of course I'll fulfill it. I'll sing that for you at our wedding, if you want that," he said while resting his back against the chair. The girls started hooting and giggling again. I rolled my eyes, turned my face away from him, and started looking at the lawn.

        At evening, he was teasing me again, so I blocked him after taking all my anger out on him. The next day, he arrived and joined the group, sitting almost in front of me, talking to everyone but me. No one noticed that something was off between us; he had never been like this to me. 

I started playing with the window closer as I was sitting close to the window. I got busy opening and closing it while my mind was stuck on him, thinking, "Maybe I'm wrong or I've gone too far this time. I shouldn't have behaved like this." After a while, he got up and left. 

My thoughts became more complex, thinking, "Maybe he doesn't want to see me anymore or be around me anymore. Why on earth have I been like that to him? What should I do? Or at least I should unblock him." I picked up my phone and unblocked him.

When I got home, I picked up my phone for some reason, and there was a text from him. I replied, and then he said, "I wasn't angry or upset. I was just quietly noticing you as part of an experiment. I noticed you stuck in thoughts, playing with the window." 

Simmering with emotions, I said, "I'm going to kill you, for real. Experiment? What experiment? In this big world, you only got me for your experiments? You should be thankful to God that you're not in front of me".

       ❤ I remember him standing in front of me, moving his hand toward the table beside him. He placed his fingers on the table, shifting a little weight onto them. "I really don't know what I'm feeling," I said. 

"I think I have a crush on Hamad, or maybe I'm in love with him. I don't know." He lost his balance and trembled, saying, "Oh, don't worry, you'll figure it out," despite his heart burning with emotions.

       ❤ There was a spelling mistake in my name in the university records. I submitted an application to correct it, but nothing happened. I visited the admin office around 10 am, and they asked me to bring all the required documents along with the application again by 2 pm. 

I didn't have the documents at that time, so I asked someone from home to bring them to me. I took them to the admin office right on time, but the admin officer said, "No, we can't do this. You have to submit it by parcel to the university's head office." I became furious and left the office without saying a word. 

I didn't know that Ahmet hadn't gone home, as our classes had ended an hour earlier, and he had been watching over me the whole time. When I reached home, after freshening up, I picked up my phone and saw a text from him asking what had happened. I told him the whole scenario, saying, "I furiously walked out of the office without saying a word. I was feeling so helpless." 

He replied, "Bring your documents tomorrow and hand them over to me. Now that's my concern. I'll do what I have to do. Just stay relaxed." I don't know how he managed it, but he did."

       ❤ I told him that my midterm marks were lower than expected, so I planned to talk to the teacher about it. To my surprise, he offered to come with me. When we met with the teacher, I started explaining my concerns, but he interrupted me. The teacher asked him if he wanted to discuss his own marks, and he replied that he didn't. The teacher's demeanor changed instantly, and he became angry, scolding him for speaking up unnecessarily. 

He remained silent, not uttering a word. I was watching him, feeling a mix of concern and fear about the escalating situation. However, when the teacher turned to me, his tone transformed completely – he was polite and reassuring, saying, 'Don't worry, child, I'll recheck and increase your marks. I assure you, you'll see an improvement.' After thanking the teacher, I left the room with Ahmet. 

He was talking to me as if nothing had happened, but I could sense the turmoil beneath his calm exterior. He seemed to be trying hard to hide it, and perhaps he thought he was succeeding. Yet, I saw it – the subtle disturbance that he couldn't quite conceal. In that moment, I wanted to reach out and hold his hand to comfort him, but something held me back.

         ❤ He was sitting there, scrolling through reels on his phone, when I came to him, exhausted. I plopped my notebook on the table in front of him and began scribbling something while standing beside him. 

Sensing my distress, he immediately stood up, his attention fully focused on me. With a respectful and attentive demeanor, he was ready to tackle whatever problem had brought me to him. 

After that while we were talking, and laughing. There were some papers on the table that I wanted to take from him, but he wasn't ready to give them up. 

So, he placed both his hands on the papers, and I started holding and pulling them, trying to get them out of his grip. As we tugged, the papers ripped in half, and I burst out laughing. Seeing me laugh, he giggled too.

       ❤ I had to step away to submit some papers, leaving my handbag behind. I thought I'd pick it up later but he had already noticed my bag. He picked it up and was bringing it to me, struggling to find the best way to hold it. As I finished my work, I went to retrieve my handbag, but he beat me to it. With a smile, he handed it to me. I smiled seeing him concerned not just for me but my things too.

        ❤ As usual, he was going out to get lunch for us, and I told him that I wanted to eat biryani. But when he came back with the guys, he brought biryani for everyone else but placed a fruit salad in front of me instead of biryani. I looked up at him, and he said, "Here's the fruit salad for you, as the doctor said chicken is off-limits for you..." 

In my mind, I was like, "How dare he make a decision on my behalf?" And in a moment, I started throwing a tantrum and was like, "Eat it yourself! I'm not eating this. I asked for biryani... I'm not going to eat it." He took a minute, smiled, picked up the salad, and placed the biryani in front of me, saying, "Here it is"

        ❤ As time passed, we grew closer, our bond strengthened. We started to get to know each other better, and there wasn't a single negativity in our friendship. Day after day, his love for me grew, and the whole campus knew it. Whenever I was feeling down or confused about something, he was always there for me. 

He became my therapist, my true friend, listening to me without judgment and offering words of encouragement. He would do anything to make me happy, bringing me lunch almost every single day. His friends teased him by calling him my "Foodpanda," but he felt proud doing anything for me. 

Whenever it was time to go home, he would make sure I safely got to the car. He would walk me to the parking lot, ensuring I reached my vehicle without any issues. And if the cab was late or I was running late due to my own reasons, he would wait with me, even if he had a lot on his plate. I felt grateful for his care and concern. 

He knew me so well, even my taste in shopping. He would often send me pictures of various products, asking me to choose the one I liked. When I made my selection, he would buy it and bring it to me. It was sweet gestures like these that made me feel special. 

He wasn't just a great friend to me, but also to my family. He often helped my sister with her studies, patiently explaining complex concepts until she understood. He even went to the school to admit my youngest brother, taking care of all the paperwork and formalities. When my other brother needed help with legal paperwork for his bike, he took care of that too. 

I must admit, I was the one who always started the fights with him. No matter the reason, if I was angry, stressed, emotional, upset, or irritated - even if it was just because of a sickness - I would take it out on him. I would argue and fight with him, and he would deal with me so calmly. He never retaliated or matched my level of anger. Instead, he would listen patiently, trying to understand my perspective, and offer words of comfort and reassurance.

        ❤ A guy from our batch came to me to tell me that he's in love with me and wants to marry me. I was telling him that I have no interest in him and can't accept his proposal. Meanwhile, Ahmet arrived and stood a little far from us. 

He somehow knew the reason the guy approached me, and he was simmering with jealousy, wanting to kick that guy out of his sight but couldn't do that because of me, as I never allowed him to interfere in my life. 

After a few minutes, he came over, picked up his bag and laptop, which were placed beside me, took a few seconds longer than usual to interrupt our conversation, and then went back to where he was standing before, waiting for me to get free.

He knew my tendency to get crushes quickly and then lose them after a week or two. He was aware of all my crushes, and yet, he never judged me or made me feel silly for it. Instead, he would smile and tease me gently, showing a humility and understanding that I admired. 

Despite knowing my fleeting crushes, he remained patient and constant, hoping that one day I would see him in a different light. He always said he'd be ready for me whenever I'm ready to date or marry him. 

       That one time, I remember him sitting beside me, fully attentive and looking at me as my best friend walked in. My eyes lit up with a smile as I saw our best friend Ahad. However, Ahmet had noticed that that I got excited whenever Ahad was around me. As we chatted, he said, 'You know your eyes shine when you see your favorite people.' 

Hearing this, I instinctively looked down, knowing that my eyes never sparkled when I looked at him. He knew it too, but still waited for that moment when I would look at him like that, but it never came.

        I never allowed him to talk to me romantically. He used to share his feelings about me with his female best friend Zahida. Somehow, once I got to read their chat, they were talking about me. She was upset with him, saying how he helped me with my studies and didn't think of anyone else. 

She had found out that he prepared the whole lesson before meeting me, so when I needed help preparing my lesson, he could assist me. I would text him all my questions or problems, and he'd send me solved numericals, along with voice messages clearing up the concepts, even at midnight. 

And how he's doing everything for me – from printing notes to bringing books, from stationery to my accessories, from snacks to food, from skincare to clutches. She said that his world revolved around me, that he was doing everything for me, and I wasn't even in love with him. She told him that I had wrapped him around my finger, asking him about his intentions with me and whether he was going to marry me. 

And he was like, 'Even she doesn't love me like that. I love her, and I love her so much. She's like the daylight that has brightened my life. That's what matters. Let her treat me however she wants; I'll happily do anything for her. And yeah, I'll marry her whenever she's ready, Insha'Allah"

        To complete assignments, we divided into groups every semester. In the initial semesters, Ahmet was in my group, but I think in our 4th semester, I didn't choose him to be in my group because we had a fight and I didn't want to work with him. He remained quiet and didn't say a word; his female friend Zahida added him to her group. 

However, when we patched things up, he said, "Whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to leave again, even if we have an argument. I promise that from now on, whenever there's grouping, we'll be together." But when we had to form groups of four in the next semester, Zahida tried to add him to her group again. 

However, I wanted him to be with me as promised. The issue was that the slots in my group were already filled because Ahad also wanted to join my group. Meanwhile, Zahida's group had only three members, leaving space for Ahmet. He wanted to join my group, but Zahida was not willing to let him go at any cost. 

She thought that if she involved the professor, I would give up, but when she did involve him, I asked the professor if Ahmet could join our group. The professor smiled and rearranged the groups, removing Ahad from my group and adding him to Zahida's, while adding Ahmet to mine.

        ❤ When I look back, I see some glimpses of us. Like whenever I had to talk, he would move a step or two down or point me so I could move a step or two above him, so there would be less height difference between us, and he could listen to me carefully.

One time, he was sitting a step below me as we were sitting on the stairs. He was busy helping me clear up some concepts from a lesson and solving problems in a notebook. I could listen to him, but my mind wasn't analyzing anything he said because my eyes were fixed on his injured knuckles as the pen flowed in his hand. Questions raised in my mind. 

"Got it?" he asked as he finished explaining the concept. I looked at him and shook my head. He smiled and said, "What's on your mind?" "These injuries on your hand," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I told you before to just send me the voice notes, as usual. You know I can't focus like that." He smiled and said, "Okay, I'll send the voice notes".

As he was telling me about how he got the injuries, the topics varied and veered off course, and then we were discussing eye color. "Look in my eyes, I've got the same brown eyes as yours," he said, knowing he had pure black eyes. "No... it's... it's black," I said while looking into his eyes. He didn't say a word and kept smiling at me, and then I realized he had tricked me into looking into his eyes.

After that I walked into class late, and everyone was already chatting, laughing, and having a great time. As I entered, I overheard Ahad teasing Ahmet, saying he was practicing household chores because he was going to marry a girl who wouldn't lift a finger. The whole class erupted in laughter. 

Ahad continued joking, saying Ahmet would have to massage her feet every day, or else she'd cook him in a pot. Everyone burst into laughter again, but Ahmet's response left me stunned: 'Well, What's the big deal? Yeah, I'll massage her feet.' I was speechless. I blushed a little but tried to control it.

        ❤ We were walking out of our class, and I asked him if we could talk. He gestured with his hand toward the entrance of the lawn. We went to the lawn, stood there, and I asked, "Are you really serious about me?" 

He replied, "Of course! What of my action made you think otherwise?" 

I said, "No, it's not that. You know I'm not a productive type. I don't do household chores, and I get bored easily, so maybe I won't be able to hold a job either."

He smiled and said, "I know. I know everything. And yes, despite everything, I still want to marry you. I want you as my wife. You don't need to do anything. I'll handle everything. You won't need to worry about anything." 

"And most importantly, I can manage everything, achieve every success as long as you're with me", he added.

I blushed, a wave of calm washed over me, my lips curled into a smile, tried to hide it but failed and said," Whenever I think of getting married, I'll marry you. I want to marry you soon after our BS and that I had no energy to study further or do anything; I just wanted to marry you and settle." 

He stood there with his arms crossed, his loving gaze fixed on me, a wide smile spreading across his face, nodding and in a warm and reassuring tone, saying, "Yes, we'll do it. Soon after our BS. I'll handle everything." He was so happy, his face lit up with a radiant smile. His eyes sparkled with happiness, and he looked like he had won the world.

He once visited my home, and after discussing things randomly with me, he discovered that I like closed or covered houses like mine. He rebuilt his entire house, as his original one had a large open area in the center. He even renovated the whole portion according to my preferences. When it was complete, he made a video of the entire portion and sent it to me, asking if I liked it and seeking my opinion or suggestions for the interior and furniture arrangement. 

I told him from the start that my father wouldn't approve of us because he had nothing. He assured me that he'd work hard, and he did. He achieved everything: built a house, started a business, bought two cars, and was about to get a degree. But nature had other plans. The week he bought his second car, I broke up with him.

[November]:  After almost a year, everything changed. I met someone new and fell in love instantly. I was too scared to accept my feelings, fearing that loving someone else meant I was cheating on my boyfriend. 

[January]: So, I broke up with him without giving a reason, leaving him confused and concerned.

[February]: After a month of leaving Ahmet, I got into a relationship with that new guy. [August]: That relationship lasted for about 6 months, and then I broke up with him too.

For all these months, Ahmet tried to reach out to me, sensing that something was wrong. He knew me too well and could tell that I was hiding something. I gave him lame excuses, but he didn't believe them. He suspected that there might be someone else, but he didn't expect me to be in a full-fledged relationship.

[October]: And one day, he overheard me talking to Ahad about my recent relationship. He was shocked and hurt, realizing that his suspicions were true. I saw the devastation in his eyes, the weight of my betrayal crushing him. He was consumed by a deep sadness and grief, his spirit broken by the lies I told and the trust I shattered. Confusion and self-doubt etched his face, as he struggled to understand how I could deceive him so thoroughly. I knew I was the cause of his pain, and it was hard to bear the weight of that knowledge. He was lost and alone, unsure of how to move forward or if he even wanted to, and I was the one who put him there. 

        I still think about him, the one who was patient and kind, who saw the best in me. I showed him the darkness in me, yet he looked at me like I was the sun. But in actual, he was the sunshine, and I was like a midnight rain. I hope he's found his own happiness, and I wish him all the best. After all this time, I still want to see him one last time, to talk to him one last time, to confess the hurt that I've done to him, to apologize for ruining every beautiful thing that ever happened between us, and to tell him that I'm really sorry to shatter our sweet little dreams. But at the same time, I don't find the courage to be around him, to see him, to talk to him, to confess the hurt I've done to him, to apologize for ruining everything.

        As I walk away from the memories of what could have been, I can't help but wonder what the future holds. Will I find love again? Will I learn to love myself more? The questions swirl in my mind like the leaves rustling in the autumn wind. And then, I smile. Because I know that life is full of surprises, and love is always around the corner. But for now, I'm content with the unknown, with the possibility of what's to come. The memories of our time together still linger, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been. I hope that someday, I'll find a love like that again, one that will stay with me forever.

Forbidden Love

Have You Heard About It?

A Forbidden Love

A Love That Dared To Defy The Conventional Norms Of The Society.

We had it.

Let me introduce you to my kind of forbidden love.

    A love that connects the soul of a 19-year-old girl and a 25-year-old man, where age is just a number, and where he showed her that love isn't just red, but a warm, golden glow that shines bright and true.

He has a sparkle in his eyes, framed by lush, arched eyebrows. When he raises one brow, locking his gaze onto mine with a mischievous smirk, I couldn't help but blush and smile instantly. Then, he breaks into a wide smile that makes me smile even brighter. His slender nose and defined beard, perfectly edged along his cheeks, accentuate his chiseled features. His wavy, shaggy layers, reaching his chin, add a touch of elegance, perfecting his captivating aura.

He had a huge crush on me and everyone around us knew it even before I did. Every girl's talking about him, but since he won't even look at them, they just say he's not their type - like sour grapes - because they know they don't stand a chance with him. This whole group of girls has always hated me just because he's got his eyes on me. Oh! You should see the way he looks at me. His eyes would tell you that he's so much in love with me.

Whenever he looks at me, his gaze softens with a slight tilt of his neck, as if he's admiring me. And I'm there, lost in his eyes, trying to read his heart, understand the mysteries of his mind, searching for a glimpse of how much he loves me, seeking a clue to believe in his love, and a hint to trust his efforts. Yet, at the same time, I find a soft submission in his gaze, a melting of my heart into his, making my defenses melt away like ice into the fire of his passion.

The way he follows me everywhere I go, always blocking my path to gaze at me whenever we're coming from opposite directions, and standing so close to me that it leaves me breathless, brings a romantic glow to my life. And when he's not by my side, my eyes are always searching for him, demonstrating the hold he has on my heart. Whenever I tell him to do something, he whispers lovingly, "Whatever you say, your highness, forever your obedient one." His sweet surrender brings a romantic glow to my face, and when I compliment him, he wears my words like a badge of honor, showcasing them to the world with the pride of a lovesick heart. His devoted behavior around me has stolen the spotlight, and now his name is on everyone's lips, accompanied by whispers of his unwavering efforts to win my affection. As a result, everyone playfully teases me with his name, saying he must be my favorite person. I was too scared to accept the fact that I had caught feelings for him, but the way he gently dismissed our age difference, saying 'age is just a number,' melted my doubts away whenever I mentioned our age gap.

        I remember our first romantic encounter when he was holding a book, I felt like he's hiding something in the book so I snatched the book from him, but he was like, " you're being this much possessive even before marriage", I looked at him , with the question in my eyes, my brows furrowed, his eyes locked onto mine, and his gaze lingered on every feature. 'You know you're gorgeous, I'm going to marry you one day, I promise,' he said, his voice low and husky. I raised an eyebrow, taken aback by his bold declaration. 'What? I'm not even going to be friends with you, and you're thinking about marriage?' I replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the flutter in my chest. He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and said, 'You'll see that you'll be my friend too.' I snorted, a laugh bubbling up in my throat. 'I'm not even a friend to my friends, and here you are, thinking I'm going to be a friend to you'. 'You'll see', he added.

The very next day, I walked beside him as he was sitting. I felt a pull; I turned around, and my shawl got stuck on his knee. I removed it from his knee while adjusting my shawl as he looked at me, and with a smirk, he teased, "Look, even your things are in love with me." I rolled my eyes. "You're something else, you know that?" I said, trying to play it cool despite the flutter in my chest. He grinned, clearly pleased with himself, and stood up close to me "Just stating the obvious," he said, his voice low and teasing. I looked at him, trying to read him, then I flicked to get away the wavy hair strands from my face, looked at him by narrowing my eyes. "You're so full of yourself," I said with annoyance and turned to leave... As I turned to leave, he stepped in front of me, blocking my path, and grasped my hand. His warm fingers wrapped around mine, sending a flutter through my chest. For a moment, I let myself melt into his touch, but then a spark of doubt ignited, and I pulled my hand free, despite the protesting whisper of my heart. "No, it's not okay," I thought, the words echoing in my mind. "It shouldn't be like this. We can't be together." I stood there, frozen in indecision, I tried to twist the water bottle cap, but couldn't. My hands felt unsteady, my mind elsewhere. I shifted my weight, my heels clicking softly on the smooth floor, the sound echoing through the silence. Without another thought, I turned and walked away, my heels tapping out at a rapid pace. He called out, his voice low and urgent, and tried to follow me, but I quickly entered the ladies' room, the door swinging shut behind me. As I entered the ladies' room, I inhaled deeply, attempting to steady my racing heart. After what felt like an eternity, my phone buzzed in my pocket, a notification flashing on the screen – a message from him: "Are you okay? You're trembling, and your hands are shivering." I left it on 'seen', unsure of how to respond.

          ◊ I was lounging in the lounge, earbuds in, lost in the music. My upper back rested against the chair's backrest, while my lower back slouched, creating a gentle curve. Absorbed in the song's vibe, I mindlessly played with my hair, twirling it up as if to tie it, but letting it fall again. That's when he walked in, catching me with my hands in my hair, twirling it up. Our eyes met, and instinctively, I sat up straight, releasing my hair. He smiled and approached me.

           ◊ I sat in the chair, mesmerized, my palm supporting my face and fingers covering my cheek. My gaze was fixed on him, and I was completely unaware of the passing time. Meanwhile, he worked tirelessly, rearranging furniture with sleeves rolled up, revealing toned arms that showcased his strength and dedication. I was in awe. It wasn't until later, when I snapped back to reality, that I realized how intently I'd been staring. I straightened up, a smile spreading across my face as I reflected on my behavior. I couldn't believe how zoned out I'd been, admiring him with such abandon.

         ◊ That incident when he accidentally stepped on my long black dress as he was walking behind me. I turned around, and our eyes met. He looked up at me with a mix of apology and adoration, fearing he'd ruined my dress, but in that instant, all I saw was the man who had captured my heart.

        ◊ That night when I stepped into the hall, draped in a breathtaking white net gown with golden embroidery, and all eyes were drawn to me. However, one gaze stood out - his. He stood there with his friends, transfixed, his smile faltering for a moment as he took in the sight of me. But as soon as he caught a glimpse of me, he approached me, his face radiant with admiration. I sensed the depth of his fascination, and the unspoken words of adoration lingered in his gaze.

          ◊ And when he delicately blew away the hair strands from my face, not once, not twice, but three times, his breath whispering across my skin as he seemed to delight in the gentle movement of my hair. And I stood there, mesmerized by the loving gesture, my eyes widening in wonder as I realized he was thoroughly enchanted by me, my cheeks bloomed with a soft blush and my lips curled into a sweet, joyful smile. Meanwhile, his gaze shifted upwards, a soft, affectionate smile spreading across his face, his expression radiating warmth and adoration.

         ◊ And that time when he asked me, 'Will you be my valentine?' with a sly, mysterious smile, I couldn't help but giggle with delight. "What? What was that?" I replied, despite knowing exactly what he was asking. He knew me so well that he anticipated my playful hesitation. With a hint of mischief in his eyes, he whispered, "No, nothing," as he knew I was going to reject his offer.

        ◊ He said, 'Knock, knock.' I played along, 'Who's there?' He replied, 'What, when.' I teased, 'What, when who?' Then, he dropped the punchline: 'Coffee, next week, you and me.' My face flushed, and I laughed, 'I don't drink coffee.' Undeterred, he suggested, 'Tea, then?' I chuckled, 'No tea for me either.' He persisted, 'Water? Everyone drinks water, right?' I smiled at his determination. Finally, he asked, 'How about ice cream or juice?' I agreed and just like that, we had a plan.

        ◊ And when I tell him that I'll join him and ask him about the location, he's always like, 'What made you think I'm going to let you do that? Just tell me the time you'll be ready. I'll pick you up, take you to the destination we've decided on... And when we're free, we're going on a long drive. You love long drives, right?

        ◊ At the café, while we were having pizza, I picked an olive off and placed it on the other corner of the plate. He noticed and asked, his eyes sparkling with curiosity, "You don't like olives?" I smiled, and he drew closer, his attention captivated by my response. "What else don't you like?" he asked. As I talked about the foods I didn't like, his gaze lingered on me, and he seemed enchanted by the way I was speaking. He began baby-talking to me and even wanted to pinch my cheek, as if I were a baby. It's clear he's completely smitten and it's adorable!

  ◊ I was sitting in the lounge, resting my elbow on the coffee table in front of me, with my palm under my chin and my hand covering the side of my face. I gazed outside, lost in my own thoughts. He entered the lounge, spotted me, and sat down in front of me, looking into my eyes. As he gently moved the hair strands behind my ear, my heart skipped a beat. I forgot what was on my mind. My eyes followed his hand as he moved the hair strands from my face, and then my gaze shifted to his face. His eyes were filled with concern as he gazed at me and asked, 'You seem lost in thought, everything okay'? When he got to know the reason behind me being worried, he said, 'Don't worry, you don't need to worry at all. I'm here, and I'll handle everything, okay?' His eyes were filled with concern for me as he tried to calm me, seeking to reassure me that he'd make things better. I felt a wave of calm wash over me. I nodded, feeling my worries slowly dissipate, replaced by a sense of gratitude and trust. 'Okay,' I whispered, my voice barely audible. In that moment, his presence felt like a shelter from the storm. The way he leaned in close, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "whenever you're feeling down, overwhelmed, or just want to cry, and I'm not around, remember I'm just a text away. I'll call you, listen to everything on your mind for hours if needed, and even sing to you", as he knows I love to hear him sing.

         ◊ As I stood in the middle of the ground, waiting for my convenience, he moved his motorcycle out of the parking area, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if I took laps around you, with you as my center?" he asked, his voice filled with playful charm. My eyebrows arched in surprise, and I couldn't help but giggle at the whimsy of it all. Without another word, he impulsively started circling around me, his bike roaring to life. My hair swirled in the gentle breeze created by his passing. My skin glowed with a soft, rosy hue as I giggled with unbridled joy. He gazed at me with a look of pure adoration, as if he'd spend forever doing anything to keep this happiness and glow on my face.

       ◊ He shaved off his entire beard, and I had to admit, I was curious. I'd never seen him without a beard, which is why he was hiding behind a mask when I saw him. His friends teased him mercilessly, egging him on to show me his face. They tried to pull off the mask, but he managed to dodge them. I joined in, asking him to remove the mask, but he was nervous and evaded me too. Finally, he couldn't resist my curious gaze and pulled off the mask. Everyone focused on me, waiting for my reaction. I kept a straight face, but my eyes widened in wonder. I asked, "Why did you do that?" His friends erupted into laughter, teasing him about his new look. "You're wasted, man! She didn't like it too!" they joked. He ignored them, his eyes locked on mine with a mischievous glint. "I still have hair on my chest," he said with a smirk, "let me show you?" As he reached for his shirt buttons, I playfully jabbed him on the chest, trying to hide my blush by looking down. But he noticed, and I couldn't help but smile. "No thanks... I've seen them," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

        ◊ I recall standing in the corner of the room, seething with anger towards him. But then, out of nowhere, he began singing - as if knowing I loved songs. It was the first time I'd ever heard him sing, and his voice sent shivers down my spine. My eyes sparkled, my cheeks flushed pink. With every high note, my heart skipped a beat. There's something about his deep voice that awakens a thrill in my soul, leaving me breathless whenever he breaks into song.

          ◊ As we stood facing each other, lost in conversation, he turned to leave. Without thinking, I reached out and gently grasped his arm just above the wrist. It was the first time I'd ever touched him, and the sensation sent my heart skipping a beat. Time seemed to freeze as I felt his gaze meet mine. In that fleeting moment, I saw something in his eyes that took my breath away – a spark of vulnerability, a glimmer of affection. It was as if his entire being had melted into my touch, revealing the deepest recesses of his heart.

           ◊ As we crossed the road, he stood beside me, noticing the traffic approaching from my side. He swiftly moved to shield me, taking my hand in his. It was the first time he held my hand for more than a moment. I felt the warmth of his grasp, a comforting sensation that enveloped me as I was overcome with a sense of protection. In that moment, I knew I was safe, shielded from harm, with him by my side.

         ◊ Back when I was sitting on the couch with my head down on the table in the room, lost in thought. He was passing by, unaware of my presence, but as he caught sight of me, he halted in his tracks. His eyes locked onto mine, filled with concern, and he whispered, "Hey, are you okay?", my voice was barely above a whisper, "Yeah......" A shiver ran down my spine, he noticed, his brow furrowing in worry. "Are you cold?" he asked, his voice dripping with care. I nodded, he swiftly said "wait here for me; let me bring my jacket to keep you warm..."

        ◊ During our trip to Lake-view when I was sitting in the chair, he spotted me and couldn't resist joining me. He brought a chair closer, his eyes locked on mine, and sat down in front of me. Then, he took my hands in his, sending shivers down my spine and making my heart skip a beat. I felt a rush of excitement mixed with a hint of nervousness as his warm touch sparked a flutter in my chest. I tried to pull away, feeling a little self-conscious about the people around us, but he gently held on, his gaze never leaving mine. I tried to free my hands again, but he wouldn't let go, his grasp gentle yet firm. As I surrendered to the moment, he spent the rest of the evening tenderly holding my hands, his touch igniting a deep connection between us. I felt my heart overflowing with emotion as I basked in the warmth of his affection.

        ◊ I was writing something about him, and he noticed I was completely absorbed in my thoughts. He became curious, and I could tell he wanted to read what I'd written, but I was determined to keep it private. Out of nowhere, he snatched the paper from my hands. As I tried to retrieve it, he proved to be too quick. He teasingly held the paper just out of my reach, moving it from one hand to the other. In my attempts to grab it back, our hands touched, and suddenly he was holding mine in a romantic grasp, his fingers intertwined with mine. Every time our hands touched, he'd hold mine in a gentle yet possessive way, his fingers wrapping around mine. My heart skipped a beat with each tender touch, the sensation leaving me breathless.

        ◊ As I sat in the chair, he sat beside me, his mischievous grin fixed on me. With a playful tug, he'd grab the armrest of my chair, pulling it towards him, trying to scare me into falling. But his intentions were far from malicious; in his mind, he knew I'd land safely in his arms if I fell. Every time he tried to startle me, I'd instinctively grab his wrist, holding it tight. Deep down, I trusted that he could handle me, and that holding him would keep me safe. Ironically, despite being the one teasing me, he made me feel secure. And he loved the way I held his wrist, especially when fear made my grip tighten.

         ◊ We were walking side by side, my fingers flying across my phone's keyboard as I texted. Lost in conversation, I didn't notice the uneven path ahead. Suddenly, my feet slipped, and I felt myself tilting. In a flash, he grasped my hand, his fingers intertwined with mine, and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close. His swift rescue left me giggling at my own absent mindedness. He smiled too and for a moment, everything else faded away.

         ◊ As I wore the vibrant mustard frock, he gazed at me with a captivating smile, his eyes locking onto mine. He took my hand and whispered sweetly, "You're the beauty from Beauty and the Beast. Why don't I be your monster?" I couldn't help but giggle at his charming words, and when he asked me to dance, I hesitated, and told him that I don't know how to do it. But he insisted, his eyes sparkling with persuasion. I giggled again, and he took it as a sign to lead me onto the dance floor in the lounge. He streamed music on his phone, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I felt a deep sense of comfort and security in his embrace, my initial hesitation melting away with each gentle sway. As we danced, he whispered sweet nothings in my ear: "You're even more beautiful than Belle herself." I blushed and giggled softly. The song ended, but he didn't release me. Instead, he pulled me closer, spinning me around. I laughed and twirled with him, feeling carefree, joyful, and utterly enchanted.

        ◊ As he stood beside me, leaning in to examine the book in my lap, his side profile was inches from my face. My gaze drifted to his neck, and suddenly, my breath caught. I felt an inexplicable urge to reach out, place my head on his shoulder, rest my arms over his biceps, to be enveloped in his arms.

        ◊ In the soft glow of the moment, when his black button-down shirt was open to reveal his chest, I was entranced by the soft tufts of hair that peeked out. As he spoke, his words barely registered. My gaze lingered on the gentle curls, and I couldn't help but yearn to touch them, to feel the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. The desire to caress him, to explore the contours of his chest, was almost irresistible.

        ◊ I still remember the moment I took 2-3 steps back, a habitual gesture, he moved towards me, and my shoulder grazed his chest. I froze, my eyes widening in a mix of fear and wonder. I turned slightly, still standing there, enveloped between his arms, feeling the warmth of his presence with barely an inch between us. It was as if I was shielded in his arms. He stood there with his arms open wide, ready to catch me if I fell, wearing a huge, mysterious smile with a spark in his eyes.

      ◊ As he sat beside me, his knee accidentally brushed against my calf. The touch sent a surge of warmth through me, a stark contrast to the chill I felt. He noticed my shivers and silently took my hands into his, offering his warmth. Without a word, he subtly adjusted his position, sliding his leg down so I could rest mine on his. The gentle gesture spoke volumes, and I felt a sense of comfort and security wash over me. In winters, whenever he's around, he'll come to me, take my hands in his, and softly rub them so they can warm swiftly, as he knows that my hands are always freezing during this time. The gentle touch of his fingers, the warmth of his palms, and the love in his eyes make every cold winter day feel like a warm embrace.

        ◊ When I wore a delicate net dress with ethereal sleeves, he approached me, sat beside me, and gazed at me with gentle concern etched on his face. 'Don't you feel a chill? Come here,' he asked softly. He opened his arms, wearing a shawl, and placed one side of it over my shoulder, covering me. Then, he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I felt the chill of the night melt away. In the warmth of that moment, my head naturally found its resting place on his shoulder. His arms remained around my waist as we both snuggled under his warm shawl.

         ◊ We were sitting together, side by side; he was deeply engrossed in his work, but I was struggling to stay awake. Feeling unwell, I whispered to him that I needed to rest, and he tenderly offered his shoulder as a pillow. I rested my head on his shoulder, and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. He continued working, careful not to disturb me, letting me sleep undisturbed. Wrapped in the warmth of his presence, I don't know how long I slept on his shoulder, but he remained still, considerate of my rest, making sure I wouldn't wake up.

        ◊ Since he knows I tend to sleep a lot, he's always mindful of when I'm feeling sleepy. When he notices I'm starting to feel sleepy-eyed, he gently pulls me close, so my head can rest on his shoulder, my forehead touching his neck, my hand in his hand, and his arm wrapping around my waist. He does this to make me feel cozy and warm, allowing me to drift off to sleep without worrying about others around us. The way he tenderly looks out for me, his thoughtful gestures, and his unwavering support all fill my heart with warmth and love. Seeing the depth of his care for me brings a soft, romantic glow to my face.

        ◊ That evening when we were both invited to that special event, I really wanted to attend it with him, but he had a family commitment to attend another event. I had been telling him that he had to attend this event with me, but he said it would be difficult. Instead of being understanding, I threw tantrums and said, "This is the last time I'm telling you that you have to attend this event with me, or I'm not going to talk to you ever in my life!" He gently reassured, "Okay, don't worry, I'll, I'll find a way." And he did. He arrived at the hall exactly on time after dropping his family off at their event. When he saw I was running late, he briefly attended the family event for 5 min just for formality's sake , then came back to wait for me. When I arrived in a stunning cherry red sari, he was there, as promised, waiting for me, his eyes filled with adoration, and then he came close, and said, "You're looking breathtakingly beautiful; why don't we capture some pictures today?', his gaze was captivating, and I felt like the only person in the world.

        ◊ I remember when I was consumed by jealousy, even though he hadn't done anything to provoke it. He was blissfully oblivious to my possessive feelings. As we stood at the staircase, ready to head down together, he gallantly said, 'You first,' gesturing for me to go ahead. But I was still simmering with emotion, so I hit him on the chest and teased, 'As if you're this caring!' My words were laced with a mix of annoyance and affection. I brushed past him, leaving him confused and wondering what was wrong and why I was taunting him. The way my hands instinctively fall on his chest - whether in playful jabs or angry slaps - is a testament to the fact that he is mine.

        ◊ I'll never forget the time when I was furiously hitting him with the book on his chest, he stood gracefully, his eyes locked on mine, silently communicating "it's okay, relax, I'm here for you". In an instant, my anger dissipated, replaced by a sense of trans-quilting. Oh God! I love the way he tenderly handles my tantrums, calming me down with ease.

        ◊ We stood face-to-face; arguing about something with him, as I was upset with him. Suddenly, he grasped my hand and pressed it onto his chest, his own hand covering mine. His partially unbuttoned shirt allowed my fingers to rest on his warm, bare skin. My long nails dug gently into his chest, a subconscious expression of my turmoil. But as our gazes locked, a surge of anger and frustration swept through me. I tried to pull away, yet his grip held firm. In struggling to free myself, my nails inadvertently left visible scratches on his chest, which turned red in an instant. His eyes never left mine.  He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulled me close, and whispered reassuringly, "It's okay, I've got you." In that moment, his words and touch conflicted with my desire to resist.

Gosh! I'm a goner. I can't hold it back anymore. I can't help how I feel. I'm totally, completely, utterly, head-over-heels in love with him. I can't eat-sleep-breath without thinking of him. I love him. I'm a lovesick mess, I don't care who knows it! 

My Last Letter to You

  As I sit down to write this letter, I'm overwhelmed with emotions, memories, and what-ifs. I'm consumed by the memories of what we had and what we could've been. From the moment I met you, I knew I was in trouble - the kind of trouble that makes your heart skip beats and your soul feel alive. I was swept away by the possibility of us, of what we could be. But deep down, I knew you didn't love me enough. Your off-energy was a constant reminder that I was just an option, not a priority. Yet, I chose to ignore it, believing that someday, somehow, you'd come around. Someday, you'd see me, really see me, and love me for who I am. But someday never came. I held on to the hope that someday you would put in the effort, but that day never came.

In our relationship, your words were laced with promises of effort and devotion, but they remained just that – empty words. The countless times you whispered 'I love you' in my ear, but it was all a lie. The sweet nothings, romantic whispers, and forever vows were nothing but a facade. Your sweet talk was a mere illusion, a web of lies that I foolishly believed. Our late-night calls, which lasted 7-8 hours, and the countless hours we spent texting, all feel like a waste of time now. Because, in the end, you never truly loved me. Your constant appearances and disappearances in my life were draining. You left my messages on read, spent weeks without any interaction, only to return as if nothing had happened. Despite knowing that your behavior gave me anxiety, you showed no concern. You treated my heart like a hotel room, checking in and out at your convenience. Didn't you miss me even once during those periods Didn't you think of me, even briefly? Didn't you love me enough to care? Didn't you realize, even once, that you were hurting me? Did you ever consider my feelings?

I remember the excuses I made and the justifications I created to ease the ache in my heart. I was so invested that I couldn't see the truth. I recall when you said I deserved better, and I thought, "I deserve you." But now, I believe you were right. I truly deserve someone better - someone who will love me like I'm the only woman on earth. I wanted to be your everything, but to you, I was just an option.

You must think very highly of yourself. You believed I'd overhaul my entire being for your love – from my words to my wardrobe. That I'd transform into someone else - adopting your preferred way of speaking, thinking, and dressing. You even thought you'd control my social media presence, dictating my profile picture and insisting that I should maintain a private account, despite knowing I'm an extrovert. But that's not all. You tried to restrict my social life, advising me against making friends, socializing, or enjoying 'girly' activities, simply because you deemed them a waste of time. It's astonishing you didn't understand that loving someone means accepting them for who they are, not trying to change or dictate their every move. Your love comes with conditions, and that's not love at all.

I used to believe that your conversations with other girls were merely a ploy to spark my possessiveness, but I was mistaken. Now i realized i shouldn't be jealous, you aren't even mine. The truth is, you were never loyal to me or any other girl. Your actions were driven by self-interest, and you prioritized your own desires above all else. You are, and have always been, self-centered. Your actions were cruel, thoughtless, and selfish. You played with my emotions, and now I'm left picking up the pieces.

You've always told me that you won't leave me. I believed you, thinking it was romantic. But after being with you, I've realized that you're going to hurt me so much that I'll be the one to end this relationship, the one who'll walk out.

You knew your mom would never approve of us, that she'd never accept me because of our different castes. You knew the obstacles, yet you still pursued me, still professed your love, still wasted my time. You approached me, showed interest, and said you loved me, all while knowing your family would never agree. Was it a game to you? You spent countless hours texting, calling, and telling me how much you miss me. But what was the point? You knew it was doomed from the start. You strung me along, feeding me empty promises and false hope. And then, you had the audacity to talk about having kids with me. You strung me along, feeding me empty promises and false hope. Love, kids, a future – all lies. Why did you do this to me? Why did you pretend our love had a chance? How could you be so reckless with my emotions?

    I still remember the time I broke up with you. For two months, you bombarded me with texts, Instagram reels, and calls throughout the day and night. You even tried to reach me through different apps, but I never responded. During that time, I kept myself occupied to avoid processing my emotions. I reconnected with old friends, went on trips, attended meetings, and worked non-stop. But when my life returned to normal after two months, reality hit me hard. I fell ill with a high fever and spent days in bed, reflecting on what had happened and what could have been. That's when I realized you never truly loved me; you were just playing with my feelings. 

    Ugh, you know the WORST type of men - those who only want a relationship for their own entertainment, but can't commit to marriage! They're always making excuses, like 'I need time to establish myself' or 'I need to be successful first.' And when you finally break free and try to move on, they just WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE! Same goes for you. You were always so eager to start a relationship, but only for your own entertainment! You never intended to take it seriously or commit to marriage. And when I finally gather the strength to break free from your grasp and move on, YOU WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! 

Newsflash: I'm done with your lies, excuses, and manipulation! 

    I'm left to wonder... what did I do wrong? Was I not enough? Was I not beautiful enough? Was I not pretty enough? Did my appearance not meet your standards? Was my love not enough? Did I not deserve to be loved? Was I just a temporary fix, a fleeting moment in your life? Do I really not deserve someone who loves me for who I am? Someone who cherishes my quirks, my flaws, and my strengths? Someone who sees beauty in my imperfections? Was I just a convenience, a mere option for you? Did you ever truly see me, or was I just a blur in your life?

    As I say goodbye, I'm overwhelmed with grief. All I'm left with is a heart full of pain and a soul that's lost its trust. I'm letting go of the what-ifs, the maybes, and the hopes. I wish I could turn back time and make you love me, but life doesn't work that way. It's time for me to move on.